Search & Replace S04E16: Brenda Viola

What happens when life pulls the rug out from under you, not just once, but twice? Brenda Viola faced the unthinkable and emerged stronger than ever. After enduring the heartbreaking loss of her mother and the sudden death of the love of her life within just a few months, Brenda found herself at a crossroads. Rather than staying in a place of despair, she made a bold decision to start over—literally and figuratively. Brenda shares her inspiring journey of moving across the country, starting a new life from scratch, and founding her own business, Vici Communications. Brenda’s story is a testament to the power of resilience, the importance of following your inner voice, and the beauty that can emerge from life’s darkest moments. Whether you’re navigating your own challenges or simply looking for a dose of motivation, this episode of Search and Replace is sure to leave you feeling empowered and ready to embrace your own “flawsomeness.” 

More about today’s guest:

• Get to know Brenda Viola on her website , brendaviola.com. 
• Connect with Brenda via her YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram. 

Explore these related stories:

• Brenda Viola presents how to evict your inner critic once and for all and start treating yourself with the same kindness you would a best friend.  
• Grab your copy of Brenda Viola’s book on Amazon: How to Be Heard Without Screaming!: Find Your Voice and Use It Skillfully in 30 Days. 
• Kristin Meekhof shares insights to creating the life you want after losing someone or something important. 
• HuffPost spoke with readers to understand what grief feels like for those who’ve lost a spouse, along with the most difficult times after the death of a partner. 
• Know what to expect when coping with loss. 

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Transcript:

[00:00:00] Announcer: Support for the following podcast is provided by the user experience specialists at Johns & Taylor. More information follows this episode.  

[00:00:10] Joe Taylor Jr.: What if one of the worst things that can happen in your life leads to one of your most important decisions ever? I’m Joe Taylor, Jr. This is Search and Replace. 

[00:00:23] Often on the show, we ask folks about a time in their lives when they made a big change. Sometimes our guests seek out that change. Brenda Viola did not.  

[00:00:34] Brenda Viola: In 2021, my mom had been ill for quite some time and it was during COVID. So it was one of those situations where we had to just, sort of, wave at her from a window and we couldn’t have that warm fuzzy time in the final years of her life. But she did eventually pass away, which was heart wrenching because it was my last parent. My father had died when I was young. But then in a one two punch three months later the love of my life suddenly died. And we had a beautiful life together. We had gotten together after I had been married unhappily. I didn’t know I could be happy with someone, and he was a dream come true, and he passed away.  

[00:01:23] Joe Taylor Jr.: Brenda’s story mirrors others that folks have told us, having survived such a big change in one’s life, that making yet another change, something that seemed too huge or totally impossible before, just seems like the only path forward. 

[00:01:40] Brenda Viola: There I was left in a town in Florida where I felt like I no longer fit. And I decided that I needed after, you know, they say, wait a year before you do anything substantial. And I went and visited California, and visited family out here and I thought, you know what, what a great place to have a fresh start. 

[00:02:03] So I told my employer that I would like to move to California. Now, I was a remote worker. So it was like to me, no problem, right? Then I was told that you can’t take your job and move to California. So I was left without family, without a partner, without a job.  

[00:02:21] And you know, anybody could say, but Brenda, you didn’t need to move to California. You could have kept your job and not move. But do you know, sometimes there is this irresistible must on the inside saying, this is your next step and you must obey it, or else you’re going to be miserable the rest of your life and torment yourself with what if.  

[00:02:43] Joe Taylor Jr.: Brenda didn’t just prepare to move, she got ready to completely restart her life. 

[00:02:49] Brenda Viola: When I finally made the decision, I put my house for sale and I sold everything in it, including my Christmas decorations, my tchotchkes, my silverware. I had nothing, and I wanted it that way because just like those Facebook memories that show up and sucker punch you, sometimes seeing the memories of the past, even the happy ones, brought me too much pain. I wanted a clean slate.  

[00:03:18] And yeah, it was pretty dramatic to completely change coasts. And fortunately I did have family out here and they’ve been amazing and wonderful. I needed a family connection, a sense of belonging to someone, because I felt so untethered and unmoored by the losses of my mom and my partner. 

[00:03:37] Finding a new rhythm, a new group of people, new rituals, a new gym, a new hairdresser, a new everything. It was a little bit overwhelming.  

[00:03:51] Joe Taylor Jr.: So, in the face of all that overwhelm, Brenda focused on the one thing she could control in her life.  

[00:03:58] Brenda Viola: I went all in on me. I’d always made money for other people. I’d always won awards and done good things and I thought you know, what if I start my own business and start helping other people do the stuff I’ve done my entire career? And that’s how my company Vici Communications – vici meaning I conquered – was started. Because I had to conquer a bunch of stuff to get here and now my mission is to help other people conquer their stuff, whether it’s communications culture conferences or even coaching. I work with people and help them get unstuck, and it’s so rewarding, but oh, the path to get here was filled with pitfalls and roadblocks and painful times.  

[00:04:47] When you lose people that you love, you realize you’re ever more aware of your own expiration date. Not with a sense of desperation, but with a sense of purpose. Realizing I don’t want to leave this earth without feeling like I did what I was born to do. That kept me going.  

[00:05:10] There were moments where I questioned, why am I still here? Everything I care about is gone. Why am I still here? But then, the answer came, well, you are still here. And therefore, there is something for you to do. And whether I am teaching a class on communication, or whether I’m talking about how to deal with difficult people, or I’m coaching and building corporate cultures, I can’t help but be and do what I was born to do, which is encourage people. 

[00:05:40] Joe Taylor Jr.: Brenda even coined her own phrase to describe her life and the lives of the clients that she likes to work with.  

[00:05:47] Brenda Viola: I actually trademarked this phrase, ‘you’re flawed But you’re awesome, you’re flawsome.’ Embrace your flawsomeness, making peace with your imperfection. And sharing my broken road that led me to where I am today, and I’m 60 and I feel like I’m just getting started, because I want to. 

[00:06:12] None of us get a hall pass from pain, it’s how we respond to it that makes us or breaks us. We can either be victims of circumstances or victors. And that’s not to say that the rising up from the ashes is immediate. But I have found that I’ve been given beauty for ashes, and that I am a better person because of the difficult times. 

[00:06:49] Joe Taylor Jr.: That’s communications consultant and professional speaker Brenda Viola.We’ve got links to Brenda’s work in our show notes and on our website at searchandreplace.show.  

[00:06:59] Today’s episode was produced by Nicole Hubbard with help from the entire Podcast Taxi team. I’m Joe Taylor, Jr.  

[00:07:05] Announcer: This has been a Podcast Taxi radio production.  

[00:07:09] Support for Search and Replace is provided by Johns & Taylor, user experience specialists serving media and technology companies that want their websites to work. Learn more about how top performing businesses eliminate barriers between customers and their goals at www.MakeTheWebsiteWorkForMe.com